Finally! Our birth story.

Jo turned one this past Saturday. In honor of her birthday, I finally finished our birth story. And by "finish" I mean: write the last sentence and proof. I didn't change much from when I wrote most of it right after the birth. After re-reading this and reflecting, I feel very lucky. We got the birth that we wanted. We had an "easy" birth especially compared to most of the mamas I know. I did notice that the sentences in our birth story are short. It feels very factual -- not a lot of fluff. There were gaps in my memory, even then. There are more gaps now. I'm glad I had most of it down. So with that, here you go:

I didn't have any of the "normal" symptoms announcing that labor was coming: diarrhea, bloody show, and there was no sign of my mucus plug. So when I started to feel light cramping at 4am on October 6^th I thought I was just constipated. I was up and about until about 6am when I called our doula, Barb. I would have called her earlier, but I didn't want to bother her so early (even though she said I could). I mentioned that I was feeling constipated and having cramps and every once in a while I would get a bigger cramp. She said it could be the beginning of labor so recommended that I take a nap, or a bath, or have a glass of wine and try to get more sleep. We didn't have wine and I didn't want to sleep so I hopped in the bath.

Nick came into the bathroom and sat with me. Almost as soon as I was in the tub the contractions started. We timed them and around 7am they were 3-4 minutes apart lasting 45-60 seconds. I could still talk through the contractions when Nick called Barb back to let her know that, yes, I was in labor. I don't remember when Nick called to have her come over, but in the meantime I helped Nick make the bed with a plastic sheet, get all the birth supplies on the dining room table, and set up the birthing tub in the living room. Every time I had a contraction I had to stop and rock or brace myself, but I could still talk through them. Nick also made me eggs that I tried to eat.

At some point I got on the birth ball for the contractions. I was on the ball when Barb got here. She immediately put her hands on my back and everything felt so much better. Most of the pain was in my back at that point. My arms were tired from bracing myself on the ball so I moved to the toilet. I labored there for quite a while. It felt good to cave my chest in and lean back on the toilet during the contractions. Barb reminded me to not brace against the pain, but to ride it like a wave and to try to relax my body into the pain. That's easier to tell someone to do than to actually do. But I did my best.

While I was sitting on the toilet I threw up all the eggs I had eaten earlier. Barb asked Nick to call Sarah (our midwife) and have her come, and then Nick started to fill the birth tub. When it was filled the water was so hot that Nick had to add ice to cool it down. I was having really intense contractions. Really really intense so I was bent over the side of the tub. It felt good just to hang there. That's when Sarah came. 

When I got in the tub the contractions were immediately a bit easier. During the first contraction in the tub I actually said, "Wow, this is nice." I had made a labor playlist that was going the whole time and I remember hearing songs that I didn't like and I said, "NEXT SONG," or "SKIP." I also remember telling everyone to shut up because they were talking too loudly during one of my contractions. Sarah fed me water from a straw or yogurt every once in a while. I think the bendy straw is the best invention -- I could drink water in any position. Nick also had those endurance goo packs from all of his races. He fed me those too.

During one of my contractions in the tub I felt something pop and release. I noticed some stuff in the water and asked Barb if I pooped. She said my water must have broken and the mucus plug came out in the tub. I started to want to push. Towards the end of my laboring in the tub Sarah told me to rest as much as possible between the contractions and actually try to relax enough to sleep. There was no way that I was going to be able to sleep in between contractions, but floating in the water was close enough. During the contractions she wanted me to get in the position where the contraction felt the strongest. The water helped me float and the contractions seemed a little easier, but they were still so so intense.

When it was time to get out of the tub it just felt right. I got out and Sarah checked my cervix. I was already at 7 centimeters. She asked me to get back on the toilet and labor there. I was really feeling like I wanted to push. The contractions were long and hard. They made by whole body shake. At least it felt like my body was shaking. Heavy. Deep. It didn't take long to dilate to 10. I was so ready to push.

I started pushing on my side lying on the futon. I had Barb on one side of me and Nick was holding my other leg up. Pushing was hard. It was probably the hardest part for me. I remember hearing during my pregnancy that many people thought that pushing was the easiest part. NOT FOR ME. The breaks in between contractions were nice and long and I could rest, but the pushing was so hard!

We warned our neighbors prior to labor that we were planning a home birth so not to fret if they heard screaming. I'm pretty sure I went primal during the pushing. I don't remember a lot except for this: each time I had a good push everyone cheered. My eyes were closed most of the time, but I knew when I was doing well. Also, when the baby was really close to coming out it hurt. It hurt a lot. I even said, "I don't want to do this. I want to quit." That's when Barb said, "Don't be afraid of the pain. The pain is what gets the baby out."

So I kept pushing. I didn’t really have any other option. And then Jo’s head came out. And then her whole body came out, and it felt like the absolute best thing in the world. Nick caught her (and dropped her just a few inches) – she was super slippery. Then someone said, “Bergen, hold your baby.” And I did. 

Johanna was born at home at 11:45am on October 6, 2011. 

Thoughts on our home birth

First I'll start off by saying that a home birth isn't for everyone. We were 100% committed to an un-medicated birth, and I was low-risk. It really worked for us, but I believe that expectant parents should only choose a birth location where they feel comfortable (home, hospital, birthing center, or wherever).

Nick and I took an interesting path with our pre-natal care. We actually started at an OB office. I've never had an OB so I asked a friend who was pregnant at the time who she was using. The first ultrasound at 6 weeks to confirm a heartbeat was easy. They scheduled all of my pre-natal visits throughout the nine months and even mailed me a copy. The office was schmancy and the front desk staff were all super helpful. 

Our first actual doctor visit at 12 weeks was with a nurse practitioner. Nick had the flu and had to stop on Michigan Avenue to throw up. Nice, eh? The NP was knowledgeable and friendly, but she seemed really stuck in her routine, like she had memorized her whole 12 week appointment shpeal,  and didn't make eye contact with me or even address Nick. It just didn't feel right, for either of us. I was really looking for a more woman-centered care model. 

So I looked into a few midwifery practices and we transferred our care to the midwives at Prentice Women's Hospital (at Northwestern). The midwives work in a rotation so you meet with all of them before you go into labor. Everyone we saw there was great: they took their time with us, asked me questions about my well-being, interacted with Nick, and seemed to take an interest in us as people, not just as patients. We had a brief period around 22-24 weeks where I was having weird cramps and started to dilate and the midwives were awesome. I really felt cared for and knew that I was in good hands. .

Then Nick and I started our nine week Bradley Method BirthCourse. First of all, I highly recommend a Bradley course for anyone who likes information. It's a lot of information. Yeah, nine weeks is a long time, but when we finished, Nick and I felt as prepared as we could have been at the time. Nick joked that he could now deliver babies for a living. 

Quick digression. I was born at home and had been pro-home birth from the start. Nick wasn't quite onboard, so I didn't push it. 

After each Bradley class we would talk about what we learned and what choices we wanted for our birth. It became clear to both of us that a hospital birth, especially one at Prentice (a hospital with soaring c-section rates), didn't seem right for us anymore. I'm a bit of a control freak so I wanted us to be as in control of our birth as possible. I didn't want to be pushed into anything based on a doctor's schedule or hospital preference. Both Nick and I wanted our birth to be un-medicated and intervention free. I wanted to know and feel familiar with everyone in the room with me during labor.

One day after class, Nick turned to me and said, "I'd like to look into home birth options." So we did. I was around 36 weeks at the time and there are really only two certified nurse midwives who do home births in the city, so we were hoping they could take me as a new patient that close to my due date. We really clicked with Sarah Simmons (New Life Midwifery) AND she had availability around my due date. So we transferred our care again. I'm sooooo glad we did.

The pre-natal visits with Sarah were night and day even from the midwives at Prentice. They often lasted 45 minutes long. Sarah would ask me questions or listen to my concerns, she'd take a look and feel my tummy, listen to the heartbeat, we'd schedule the next appointment, she'd give me a hug, and then I'd be on my way. I really felt like I was being cared for as a complete and complex woman instead of just a baby-vessel. 

After all that...our home birth was awesome and I would do it again in a heartbeat! Our midwife, Sarah, was amazing. She made me feel like I was in control and always presented me with options. She was calm and supportive. We felt safe in her care, and confident in her decision-making skills should an emergency arise (plus we live ten minutes away from a hospital). We were in our own home. We didn't have to worry about when to go to the hospital or even getting to the hospital. I labored in the dining room and in the bathroom and on the floor and in the birthing tub and on the futon. I got to labor in familiar surroundings, with people that I knew and trusted, and after Baby Jo was born we went to sleep in our own bed. She didn't leave my arms once. This home will be special forever because Jo was born here.

When I asked my mom why they chose a home birth with me, this is what she said:

Having a home birth was a choice we made based on our value system at the time.  We wanted to be at home with friends and people we knew, in the comfortable, familiar surroundings instead of a hospital room which screamed, "Institution".  The vibes and energy present were positive and caring. Nothing clinical. We wanted to deliver you as naturally as possible.  You know, woman have done this for years in a simple way with minimal to no medical support. No drugs, no unexpected changes due to circumstances out of our control. We could control the process as much as was possible....which is very little actually.  Maybe more of what we didn't want at the time. Since the birth went just fine and there were no complications, we were able to hold you and googoo you as much as we liked.  No medical intervention needed.  No IV's to trip over, no enema, nothing other than the basics. 

I love that our reasons for planning a home birth were so similar.

I'm still working on my birth story, but plan on posting that as soon as its done. In the meantime, here's a lovely picture of Jo, our midwife Sarah, and me.