My First Mother's Day

It was lovely. Really. Nick, Jo, and I had brunch with Nick's mom and sister. I talked with my mama. We had a low-key day and Nick made me a dinner of my choice.

For quite a while now I've been thinking a lot about my mothering and how it's been influenced by my mama. I am the oldest of four and our mama stayed at home with all of us. She always made us her priority (even though she occasionally forgot us at school -- I promise I'm over that). We were encouraged to be creative and loving. She has always been supportive of us and the choices that we make.

A while ago I asked my mama what she learned from her mama. Here's what she said:

Mom taught by doing.  I'd ask her a question and she'd say that she didn't remember! Ha, how could she not remember something as momentous as a birth of a baby, namely me. I get it now when all of the things I thought I'd never forget, I've forgotten.  Mom taught by always being there for me.  She came to us as soon as she could after each baby was born. She took you and told me to go to sleep. She cooked, cleaned and did whatever she could with you so that I could recuperate.  I would go to the farm ragged and worn down from you babies and again she wouldn't tell me how bad I had looked until she made me eat and sleep and nap and eat some more - enough that my eyes were bright again.  Mom took care of me!  Unspoken love.  She didn't say she loved me or the rest of us like we do today. So, I guess she taught me that she would always be there to help and when we went to the farm she took us under her wing and into the rhythm of her life. The world didn't stop when we went to the farm...we just got caught up in the lovin'.

Right after Jo was born, my mama came to stay with us for a few days. She would come take Jo after a feeding and tell me to sleep. She cooked and cleaned and did whatever she could so that I could recuperate. Whenever she visits us in Chicago or we go visit her she takes care of us. She is selfless. We laugh together and encourage each other in our many adventures. She inspires me to be a great mother to Jo.

My mama and me

Getting my groove back

After months of feeling like I've been flailing around, I think I'm finally in the swing of things. It feels good. I'm used to running around in a bunch of different directions. I thrive on that. During my pregnancy I couldn't do this. I certainly couldn't balance everything once Jo was born. I could barely handle just being a mama for quite a while.

But now I think I've found my groove. Don't get me wrong, it's still hard. Being a mama is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and so is trying to balance being a mama and being a woman/artist/wife/friend at the same time. But I'm happy. I'm having fun. I feel good. I wish I had more time to do it all, but I'll take the time that I have. 

Here's what I'm up to:

Lilla Barn - I'm so proud of the work that my mama, sister, and I have put in to get this shop up and running on Etsy. I'm still working away. I love picking out new fabrics (you should see my stash) and I have a pile of sewing projects I can't wait to tackle.

Akvavit - This is my theatre company. We do Nordic theatre. It's awesome. Things are really cooking this year. We have a new website about to launch, a new expanded artistic ensemble, and lots of productions happening this year. I'm up to my elbows in grant writing, which I'm actually enjoying, and I'm cast in the summer production of Kokkola. Rock and roll!

Other things - So I'm working on this side project. Actually it is very much in the *idea* phase. It was born one night at my ladies-reading-ladies book club. It involves Alan Rickman. And awesomeness. More info soon.

Nick and I are getting our place ready to sell. Anyone want a 2bedroom/1bath in Andersonville?

And yes, I'm still working at GasPedal and SocialMedia.org, but from home. I love this job.

I still find time to walk to the Swedish Bakery almost every day for a treat. Yay!

Rogaine?

It's started. I'm losing my hair in what seems to be large quantities. I didn't think this would happen to me after I had Jo. I was hoping it didn't happen to me. I'm shedding like crazy. It's a good thing I have a lot of hair.

Year-end reflections

Every so often I look at Nick and say, "Isn't it weird that we have a baby?" It IS so weird though. Last year at this time we were completely child-free -- planning on children, but not for a while. I'll always remember Super Bowl Sunday when Nick couldn't help but blurt out to our friends that we thought I was pregnant. We went through three pregnancy tests before I could shake my state of denial (don't bother with the tests that show you a plus or minus sign, go straight for the ones that actually say "pregnant" or "not pregnant"). And then I cried. I cried a lot at first. Actually, I cried a lot throughout the pregnancy and even after. I'm a crier. But seriously, at the time being pregnant put a major kink in my plans.

And now I sit and watch Johanna fall asleep and I can't imagine my life without her. She's my #1 priority. Hands down. I would do anything for her -- give up anything. Nick and I lay in bed and just look at her sleep. She's so amazing and she can't even do anything yet. She's probably the most-kissed baby in the world. How can I help myself, have you seen her cheeks?

Last year at this time I was getting ready to start rehearsals for a show, drinking whiskey, and spending probably too much money on myself. Funny how quickly things can change. This year I'm actually getting ready to start rehearsals for a show again, I'm not drinking whiskey anymore (hello, breastfeeding), and my spending habits have been cut drastically. And...I'm a mama! That's weird... and by "weird" I mean AWESOME!