When I look back at pictures of myself before I was pregnant I think, "Wow, that's a hot bod!" I wish I thought that at the time. I wish I had been able to say, "I like my body just the way it is." Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.
I gained 50 pounds with Jo. I've lost part of that. I don't know how much -- I don't own a scale (it's better for everyone that way). Now that I'm somewhere in the middle it's so frustrating. I don't know how to dress this new body. It looks different in all of my clothes. Things wiggle that didn't wiggle before. I always seem to have the dreaded muffin-top. I don't want to buy clothes since my bod keeps changing. My nursing bras are close to not fitting anymore around my rib cage. Argh. At least it keeps changing.
I'm slowly, but surely getting back into my old clothes. I know that it
look nine months to put the weight on and I shouldn't expect to lose it
in less than nine months, yadda yadda yadda, but I just want my old body
back. I know that's not going to happen.
My body will never be the same as it was before Jo. That old hot bod is gone. It could be bigger, it could be smaller, but it will never be the same. Come to think of it, no part of me will ever be the same as it was before Jo. And I'm totally ok with that, I guess -- although I still mourn for my old life/body at times. Having Jo in my life makes all of this change easier. I have to remind myself that she's totally worth it.
I am going to treat myself though and buy a new dress this weekend. Nick and I have a date night coming up!